I called Mama E today,
just to see how she was doing.
She's on maternity leave from work right now.
She was so excited to have some time off.
She also told me about all the shopping they'd done for the baby.
Apparently Big Brother wanted to go to the toy store,
and while they were there,
he chose some things for the baby,
and even some for Babycakes.
As soon as she said they bought stuff for Baby Brother my stomach clenched.
But I took a deep breath to calm down,
and kept chatting.
All the excitement I used to feel about this baby's birth is gone,
and all I feel is nervous and scared.
I SO MUCH want to do this right, to be supportive of Mama E's choices.
I want SO MUCH to feel right, act right, say the right things,
but part of me is already grieving a bit.
Which is so silly,
because things are still so unpredictable,
and I don't even think Mama E knows what she's going to do yet.
I want so much to be supportive,
to not dwell on the last six months we've prepared for this baby,
because that doesn't really matter, even a little bit.
This really is all her choice, and will always be her choice.
And really, no matter what she chooses, we'll be here for her,
continue to support her, to share Babycakes with her,
to love them all.
But all this is SO hard!
Friday Focus: Hezekiah
14 hours ago