Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Another Phone Call

I called Mama E today,

just to see how she was doing.

She's on maternity leave from work right now.

She was so excited to have some time off.

She also told me about all the shopping they'd done for the baby.

Apparently Big Brother wanted to go to the toy store,

and while they were there,

he chose some things for the baby,

and even some for Babycakes.

As soon as she said they bought stuff for Baby Brother my stomach clenched.

But I took a deep breath to calm down,

and kept chatting.

All the excitement I used to feel about this baby's birth is gone,

and all I feel is nervous and scared.

I SO MUCH want to do this right, to be supportive of Mama E's choices.

I want SO MUCH to feel right, act right, say the right things,

but part of me is already grieving a bit.

Which is so silly,

because  things are still so unpredictable,

and I don't even think Mama E knows what she's going to do yet.

 I want so much to be supportive,

 to not dwell on the last six months we've prepared for this baby,

because that doesn't really matter, even a little bit.

This really is all her choice, and will always be her choice.

And really, no matter what she chooses, we'll be here for her,

continue to support her, to share Babycakes with her,

to love them all.

But all this is SO hard!


Bethany said...

Praying you will be filled with grace to say the right things and encourage her. Praying you also will find encouragement along the way.

Sarah said...

I know this is very hard. We are going through a simular spot. We have bith moms 6th baby and are waiting to see if she can parent baby #9. So I have a crib...just in case... I am trying to view this as the babe is like a neice, and I love her, and if her mom can't parent I will. Didnt mamma e loose baby #1? The foster system wont be excited abour her keeping baby number 3...

asian~treasures said...

Praying in these hard days!